Mixed Metaphors

So, it is officially the weekend. I’ve got about 9 hours before the cutoff on my RP’ing group, and I decided it was about time to try and put some more thoughts on LCD for y’all. Because I loves you. All of you. Come on, ‘If we cannot go over the mountain, we can always go under it!’

First… Blah. Blahblahblah. I’m getting super tired of being here, and I am absolutely ready to get on the plane right now. Unfortunately, that isn’t going to happen. So, I remain patient. (or at least as patient as I can be.) I’m going to see about having my wisdom teeth pulled next week, and then I’ll get my shoulder looked at before I go home. I’m absorbing all the stress from the people around me… it’s not cool. I really have nothing to stress about, but since everyone else’s sphincter is tighter than the new guy in Cell Block D, I’m wound pretty tight too. So yeah, I’m really looking forward to just chilling when I get home. I’ve got plans to go camping in May, and I’m working on planning a trip to somewhere in the Rockies when I go visit my buddy Joe in Seattle. (And you too, Brigid!) But that first week at home… I’m going to sit in front of the TV and kill all kinds of Monsters. ALL KINDS. So Many Monsters! Yeah… I might be losing it. Oh! And also, setting up some space at my grandpa’s to go shooting with my brand new .45! Whoo! I’m also planning to get a rifle of some sort… most likely a .223, which is essential the same round as the M16, but I’m not sure what type I’m going to get.

Hmmm… Deeper into the depths we go. I’d really like to start a book study of Wild at Heart with the guys, Y’all will have to tell me if you’re interested. It’s been on my heart for a while now, and I’d really like to share the book’s journey with you guys.

And now we stare into the depths of Khazad-Dum itself… We have made it past the sweet flaky crust and descended into the salty, gooey center.

I am Human. I will fail. This is something I’m learning through a particularly painful set of circumstances. I won’t get into the gristle of the details, but suffice to say this. I have this mental picture of who I think I should be. The ideal man, the sinless persona I strive for daily. And I fail daily. Not just ‘missed the basket’ failure, but the spectacular type of failure that lights the sky and goes down in history books. And through this painful process, I maintain my hope, regardless of the disenchantment, the despair, the knowledge that the ideal I seek is not even within my reach, not possible by a human being. But I keep trying, trying to make myself better, stronger, more resilient. But most days it feels like one step forward, two steps back. And that is where I find myself now. And just when I am fit to give up, I remember the mantra from my time in Basic- Drive on, drive on. And so I do. I put my head down, and I keep going.