The Fight

Once again, I'm in this place,
And time after time,
I'm lost in this tangle of emotion.
I know the Answer,
But my heart refuses to be tamed.
Each day I live,
In this finite world of ours,
Society
Wears down my resolve,
My dedication to this lofty ideal.
This culture spews it's propaganda,
Desperately trying to indoctrinate me.
My soul is weary and sick,
Fighting to stay above it all.
And there she stands,
Out there upon the sea,
My shining beacon of hope.
A hope that i'm not the only one,
That there are others who fight.
Fight to find a true, unblemished love.
My armor once shone like the dawn,
Now it's tarnished and bent.
Will it shine once again?

And the road goes ever on...

This road called life, ever changing, never stopping. I don't know what I thought I would find when I got home, but i'm in a bit of culture shock. Life is different. So much has changed since I left. Two of my favorite eating establishments are gone, one of my Coffee shops has closed, my radio station is completely different, people have changed, places have changed, events are different, schedules, etc. Some music is no longer appealing, some things I loved I now find I can go without. This is so unusual. Now I understand why some people want to stay deployed. When you are away, it seems like life stops and becomes static. Not so. I came home over Christmas to find my cousin engaged(not that I didn't see it coming...) and one of my best friends married. You come back, and you don't want to deal with the change. It would just be easier to go back to what's familiar and comfortable. There's that small portion of me that wants to go back to Redstone Arsenal. I had an established routine, I didn't have to worry about food, clothes, a bed, what would happen tomorrow, because the Army took care of all that. And the thing I find myself being really torn up about...

Relationships. I, as a person, have a need to belong. I believe that I feel this need stronger than others. I may be wrong, but as I take a look at myself, I see it as being more to me than it is to other people. Especially the bf/gf relationship. It's like the be all, end all of belonging. I came to the realization that it's not really important right now, but there i was around a bunch of dirty people who only wanted sex. Kinda easy to not worry about it when that's who you're surrounded by. Now, however, I find myself amongst the people who actually display the character qualities I would look for. Makes things a little more difficult, now doesn't it?

Melancholy...

Well, it's been a long week. I had U.S. Army Combatives on tuesday morning, that was pretty cool... Did the sling load for class on wednesday, but otherwise it's been pretty uneventful. I am headed to the field tomorrow, so I won't have another post untill friday at the earliest. I went to the church service this morning, and I nearly had an emotional breakdown cuz it made me so homesick. I normally don't go, cuz the chaplain is catholic, so the services aren't what i'm used to. But my buddy made me go, and I definetly needed it. I am still feeling very down, but I think I can make it through. I am being reminded of how much I wear my emotions on my sleeves. I miss all of you, and as always, I appreciate your comments.

Wow...

So the rain has stopped, at least for a little while... We woke up real early this morning, cuz there were tornadoes in the area so we all had to sit in the first floor hallway. We did our sling load today, i will get pictures to upload soon.

Sundays...

Oooo, Boy! It's sunday again- another week has passed. We have to GI the Baracks tonight, so I hope you all enjoy your parties tonight. My legs are still sore from thursday. Somebody has been messing with my Compare People app on face book, so now i'm like #1 at everything. I got a Led Zepplin CD yesterday, and i gotit on my Zune. I have to say, i like Led Zeppelin better than AC/DC. I draw my weapon tomorrow morning, and i get to carry it for a week. It's raining again, but i like rain, so it doesn't really bother me. I will be going to the field for 5 days next week, so pray that the weather is decent. and please comment/ contact me sometimes. I do get lonely.

Devastation and Reform

I normally don't do this, but this one seemed pretty interesting.


1. Put Your itunes/ music player on Shuffle
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER WHATAfter you’ve answered all of the questions, tag 5 other people and then let them know they’ve been tagged to do the meme themselves!
IF SOMEONE SAYS “IS THIS OKAY” YOU SAY? Father, Blessed Father (Newsboys)
WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY? Self Destruct and Die (Dead Poetic)
WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL? Side of a Bullet (Nickelback)
HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY? I Need You To Love me (BarlowGirl)
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE? Savior (Skillet)
WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO? Annihilate the Corrupt (Demon Hunter)
WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU? Stand in the Rain (Superchick)
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS? Spirit Thing (Newsboys)
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN? Fading Away (Demon Hunter)
WHAT IS 2+2? Praying for Sunny Days (Hyper Static Union)
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND? Lead Us Home (Demon Hunter)
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE? Evenstar (Howard Shore/Isabel Baydakarian)
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY? The Slam (Tobymac)
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP? The Wisdom of Snow (TSO)
WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE? You Are My Hope (Skillet)
WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU? I Climb (Thousand Foot Krutch)
WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING? Make Me A Believer (Thousand Foot Krutch)
WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL? Polka Your Eyes Out (Weird Al)
WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST? Sleep Well Tonight (Spoken)
WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET? Copy of a Copy (Dead Poetic)
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS? Will You Be There (Skillet)
WHAT SHOULD YOU POST THIS AS? Devastation and Reform (Relient K)

Groundhog day!

Actually, i didn't even watch the groundhog this morning, but that doesn't matter to me. I am kinda strung out right now, dealing with a lot of emotions that i just wish would go away. I like this girl, but she likes someboy else, and she's back home. I'm homesick, sick, sore, and tired. I'm also depressed, enough that even i notice. Also worried about going home, back to a somewhat normal life (for me...). Getting a job, getting out of my parents home- not that they have said i need to go, but you can't live there forever and be a functioning member of society. Trevor, Travis, Brandon, Jason, Kim, Andrea, Britt, Gatidita, Danny, Katelynn, Tyler- I miss all of you guys a whole lot. really. More than you can possibly imagine. This army life is not my style. Life is just upside down right now.

The Soldier's Song

Through the clouds of fallen ash,
a lonely mother's cry.
Among the fields of broken glass,
a loyal few will rise.
Faith now regained.
Finding strength within the void,
of raging fire ignites.
A spark of ever-burning power
and conviction to to fight.
Pride be your name.
They will spit upon the honor that
you guard with your life,
And run to hide in selfish fear
when threat of death is in sight.
Lay down your shame.


Armed with resistance and blind to the cost
They say your purpose is mindless and lost
But we don't adhere to the slander they spill
We mourn with your losses and stand by your will


These tears we spill,
They haunt us still.
The cries of the weak lie quiet in sleep,
Beneath our feet.

We are the sons of holy wrath
a shining light in the dark.
The ones who walk amongst despair,
no sign of fear in our hearts.
Stand in death's way.
Shut out the voice of mindlessness,
open your eyes to the truth.
Believe the words that stand the test
and not the slurs of the youth.
You're not what they say.


Turn over the tables and watch them run.
You'll be the weapon they can't outgun.

*Property of Demon Hunter.

A couple days later...

Life goes on as usual here at Redstone. It is still cold and rainy, and i'm doing the same stuff everyday. somebody asked how i thought it was fun to get smoked in the rain, and my explanation is that i needed the exercise, and i love the rain, so it really didn't matter to me. I am on special population PT, which sucks, but is pretty challenging. I was recently challenged to think about what i would ideally look for in a future spouse, i don't know if i will post those here, but it was an interesting look at myself. I will try to post more often, but i have limited access to the internet. I miss all of you, keep in touch!

Whoohoo!

Today it poured rain. And we all got smoked, we came back drenched, it was so much fun!

New blog, new post...

ok, here's my new and improved blog! let me start off with a shoutout to Mr. Kinsey Barcroft Neely, who pointed me in this general direction. Next, a little prose i wrote while i was in basic training.

This place, is where i live,
But it is not my home...
Home is where my heart longs to be,
The face i see when i close my eyes,
The voice i hear when i'm alone...
This is where home is.
Home is so far away.
Home is the people i long to see,
The sounds i long to hear,
My home is where my heart longs to be...