Mixed Metaphors

So, it is officially the weekend. I’ve got about 9 hours before the cutoff on my RP’ing group, and I decided it was about time to try and put some more thoughts on LCD for y’all. Because I loves you. All of you. Come on, ‘If we cannot go over the mountain, we can always go under it!’

First… Blah. Blahblahblah. I’m getting super tired of being here, and I am absolutely ready to get on the plane right now. Unfortunately, that isn’t going to happen. So, I remain patient. (or at least as patient as I can be.) I’m going to see about having my wisdom teeth pulled next week, and then I’ll get my shoulder looked at before I go home. I’m absorbing all the stress from the people around me… it’s not cool. I really have nothing to stress about, but since everyone else’s sphincter is tighter than the new guy in Cell Block D, I’m wound pretty tight too. So yeah, I’m really looking forward to just chilling when I get home. I’ve got plans to go camping in May, and I’m working on planning a trip to somewhere in the Rockies when I go visit my buddy Joe in Seattle. (And you too, Brigid!) But that first week at home… I’m going to sit in front of the TV and kill all kinds of Monsters. ALL KINDS. So Many Monsters! Yeah… I might be losing it. Oh! And also, setting up some space at my grandpa’s to go shooting with my brand new .45! Whoo! I’m also planning to get a rifle of some sort… most likely a .223, which is essential the same round as the M16, but I’m not sure what type I’m going to get.

Hmmm… Deeper into the depths we go. I’d really like to start a book study of Wild at Heart with the guys, Y’all will have to tell me if you’re interested. It’s been on my heart for a while now, and I’d really like to share the book’s journey with you guys.

And now we stare into the depths of Khazad-Dum itself… We have made it past the sweet flaky crust and descended into the salty, gooey center.

I am Human. I will fail. This is something I’m learning through a particularly painful set of circumstances. I won’t get into the gristle of the details, but suffice to say this. I have this mental picture of who I think I should be. The ideal man, the sinless persona I strive for daily. And I fail daily. Not just ‘missed the basket’ failure, but the spectacular type of failure that lights the sky and goes down in history books. And through this painful process, I maintain my hope, regardless of the disenchantment, the despair, the knowledge that the ideal I seek is not even within my reach, not possible by a human being. But I keep trying, trying to make myself better, stronger, more resilient. But most days it feels like one step forward, two steps back. And that is where I find myself now. And just when I am fit to give up, I remember the mantra from my time in Basic- Drive on, drive on. And so I do. I put my head down, and I keep going.

When the World Died.

I wrote this today, just off the cuff, had an idea and I ran with it. It's kinda choppy, but that's what I wanted. Let me know what you think!

I was there when the world died. We knew it was coming. We had years to prepare, to ready our defenses, to offer gifts of peace. And we did. Oh, did we ever. They took their time, and our factories went into overdrive. Fighter jets, ICBMs, detection satellites, research and development, they all moved to the top of everyone’s budget. The job shortage and economic recession of my homeland disappeared almost overnight. Special teams of diplomats and politicians were put together and dispatched on journeys that would take months, offering the hand of peace to those from beyond the sky. Those who could afford it bought or built shelters that offered no protection in the end.  After they completed their spacegate, they began strip mining every planet in the system. We watched for a year as Pluto shrank into nothing. Next went Neptune. They didn’t seem to have much use for Saturn or Jupiter, but they made sure to catch all the moons on their march toward our Sun. My father was a scientist of some importance, and he managed to secure Board for our family on one of the lifeboats. A joint effort between Northrop Grumman and LeTourneau Industries, they were enormous steel Arks, constructed in high orbit above the Earth. Twelve were completed by the time they reached Earth. Our envoys of peace failed. We don’t know how, we don’t know why. Only that they did. I worked as a welder on the third Ark from the time I was fourteen. We called it Moses, in hopes that it would carry us to a new home, far from these implacable, faceless foes. Aeronautics and Space Travel were not the only industries to take flight, as it were, however. We managed to shoot down and capture a number of their survey craft, and we adapted their knowledge into our own as quickly as we unraveled it. We created AI, adapted mining tools to create energy based weapons and shield technology; but it was for nothing. We could not save our home. They were simply too many. I remember the Mass Driver Riots- thousands gathered at the bases of the mass drivers, giant cannons used to propel materials into space for the Arks. They had not managed to win a berth through the Lottery, and were attempting to force their way onto the Arks. My country managed to quell the Riots with minimal force, but the networks were quick to broadcast images of other nation’s soldiers firing into the crowds, silencing all. We took what and who we could, but in the end, there was no way to save everyone or everything. Moses was still within range to get the signals when the first ships landed, we saw the footage of the resistance, but in the end, everything went silent. Noah and Midgard, two of the other Arks, were destroyed because they waited too long- What once was hope became a coffin. It has been thirty-nine years since we left the edge of our solar system, since I last saw the light of Sol. We have been flying through space, living our lives, and every member of this crew dreams of the day we will find a new planet to colonize. Some lives have ended, and some have begun. This is the legacy of the human race- We Survive.

I aim to misbehave...

I was introduced to role-play as a hobby by a good friend of mine, Christopher Hildreth. Often considered the realm of ‘Nerds’ and ‘Geeks’ and other social outcasts, the truth is that almost everyone alive has role-played at some time in their life. At its purest form, role-play is simply putting yourself in someone else’s shoes. Every girl who has ever played ‘princess’ and every boy who ever played ‘Cowboys and Indians’  or ran around the backyard pretending to storm a castle has role-played. But as we grow up, we’re told to ‘grow up’ and to ‘get a life’. This leads most of us to bury that part of ourselves. But I tell you, I have had more consistent days I would consider ‘fun’ than I have since childhood. I love the adventure, the empowerment, and the escape from the mundane facets of our daily lives. Some people would say that I should just go out and experience the world, to literally become that which I desire to be. And that has some merit, but while I am certainly capable of being a soldier, learning swordplay, etc, I can never be a Space Marine, a Thyrsus Archmage, or a Holy Paladin. And that’s where it’s at. Doing something that takes me away from the world we live in.

Unfortunately, I myself am not very good at conveying these experiences for others. I look and listen back on games I have run, and I realized that I am nowhere near the skill level of others when it comes to being a Game Master. Nevertheless, our troupe has stuck with me, through my procrastination and inspirational dry spells. Now, I believe that with my personal growth and the things I’ve learned over the past year, we can attempt it yet again. There are those of you who this is specifically written for, and from you, I need feedback. I’m willing to attempt to include those of you at significant distances via Skype, if you’re interested. Also, If there is anyone out there who would be interested in say, Co-Gm’ing… possibly even running a separate game altogether, let me know.

My current intent is to run a game of World of Darkness Core, no supernatural templates(at least for now). It would be set either in Des Moines or a fictional city/country(though the latter option requires a lot more work on everyone’s part). The campaign would last 10-12 weeks, meeting once a week.  I should be home and free on April 14^th, and the group can start meeting possibly as soon as I get back, though I would not start the game proper until May.

So, If you are interested in playing(even if you’ve never played before) or interested in being a Co-GM, Please send me an e-mail at beroya(dot)is(at)gmail(dot)com, so I can start planning!

Spannungsbogen

That is, the self imposed delay between desire for a thing and the act of reaching out to grasp it.

In other words, Patience. Something I'm learning a (frustratingly) lot about.

As some of you are aware, 2010 was not my best year ever. I won't go back through all of it, If you're fuzzy on the details you can ask me elsewhere.
HOWEVER.
2011 has gotten off to an excellent start. I conquered one of my dragons-in the form of a PT test, then I got to go home immediately following that victory. I spent a good two weeks at home, seeing my friends and family, and had a fantastic weekend in Dubuque. Also, Ruebens. As soon as I got back to Iraq, I got promoted to Private First Class. While this is a significant increase in pay, It is also a great boost to my confidence, and people will not stop reminding me of it for a good while. 

So, I will toss out some of my thoughts from the past two months(I can't believe it's been that long.... wow.)

"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it." -Aristotle 

Words to live by- 'Speak only if it improves upon the silence.'

'You never know until you ask.'

'Survival is the ability to swim in strange water.'

'Adaptability is Strength.' 

Time goes by, and nothing we can do can change that. I wound up wasting a lot of time over R&R because I didn't plan to use it. If I could go back and change things, I would have planned a lot more activities, instead of just going with the flow. The other downside to just 'hanging out,' especially when under a time constraint, is that you wind up not really doing anything. And while I enjoyed my last Saturday, I found my self very frustrated by the end of the day, feeling almost like the time was wasted. but, I have learned, and if I should find myself in the same type of situation, I know how to better deal with it.

A lot of you have been wondering how my Christmas(and subsequently New Year’s) went. I’ll be perfectly honest, It really hasn’t felt like the Holiday season at all. For starters, there’s no bloody snow! The weather feels like late fall does back in Iowa. It has, however, been very cold. And rainy. Add rain to large amounts of dust with high traffic patterns and what do you get? Mud. Yeah, it has also been very dirty lately. But I guess the real reason it hasn’t felt like the holidays, despite all the decorations and parties and other shenanigans that have transpired, is that I equate the Holidays with family and friends. You meet up with friends and go sledding dressed in jeans and a hoodie, you meet people to have coffee or cocoa at your local caffeine emporium. You share copious amounts of wonderfully delicious food with relatives, talk to people you haven’t seen in years, stay up to the wee hours of the morning playing disgustingly long games of Risk, and spend days curled up on the couch with a good book or movie. That’s what the holidays are about for me. But I didn’t get to experience that at the time everyone else was. So this Christmas was a ‘Non-Holiday.’ (I made up that term, call it a Kapp-ism) 
My 'Holidays' while on R&R went really well, though. I spent a good first weekend with my friends and family, and then spent my second weekend at Emmaus, my favorite home-away-from-home, and home to a couple of my favorite people in the world.


Those who know me well, know that I really don't do the whole 'New Year's Resolution' thing. I do, however believe in self-improvement. So, from that, and the challenge of my buddy Joe, I aim to read through the entire New Testament in February and March. If anybody wants to try it with me, you're more than welcome- here's a link to my plan. http://www.mybibleplans.com/reading_plans/1604
I am also going to try to put up a blog post everyday, with just a few of my thoughts from what I've read. 


Thanks for putting up with the dry spell, I'm excited to be back here to entertain you for a couple more months. If this post seems a little disjointed, It's partly because I'm insane, and partly because it's about three different unfinished posts I rolled together for one.
I do intend to stop posting here and start a new blog when I get home, so i'll be updating y'all on that process as it goes along as well.


And remember! Any plan where you lose your hat... Is a bad plan.

One Ring to rule them all...

First, let me apologize for the lack of posting last month. I feel really bad about that, because if you’re reading this, you probably care about what’s going on in my world. I’ll definitely be working on being more regular with the updates from now on. November was mostly uneventful, aside from the frenzied attempt at NaNoWriMo. So. Here we go!

A lot of people, especially here in the military (or maybe it’s just that the military is the largest group of people I’m social with who aren’t already familiar with this practice) often wonder at the ring on my left hand, particularly when they find out that I’m not married. The most entertaining (and erroneous[I always wanted to use that word in a sentence]) theory has been that it’s a celibacy ring, and that I’ve forsworn sexual activity for the rest of my natural life. I LOL’ed. In point of fact, the ring itself means nothing. I could take it off, melt it down, and sell it, and it would not change the way I live my life.

No, the ring is only a symbol. An outward expression of a decision made in the core of myself. (Before I continue, know that I do not judge nor condemn anyone who lives differently. That’s between them and God, and is none of my business. ) ‘What is this commitment that could be so offensive?’ You say. Simple. I have chosen to remain abstinent from sexual activity until I’m married, and to keep my heart and mind clean from such influences until the same time. In a world that says we should like however we want, to give in to any impulse that springs into our heads, this is nigh incomprehensible-and to some, offensive on a level equal to blasphemy. They say you’re not a man until you’ve been with a woman. I say bullshit. They say ‘What if your wife isn’t good in bed?’ I say ‘Who cares? If I keep to my commitment, I’ll never know.’ They say I’m a coward, a pussy, because I won’t do what they do, won’t go with the flow. I say they’re just jealous. Because I say I’m more of a man then they, for the simple fact that I choose to stand for something.

Maybe that comes across as harsh. Maybe you’re one of the ones who live by your impulses. Maybe you say that I’m intolerant and close minded. I say, ‘Okay, cool. You have an opinion. Congratulations. I’m stuffing mine down your throat; I’m just clarifying what I stand for. So I’ll let you live how you believe is right, and I’ll do the same.’ Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness. If getting so hammered that you can’t remember anything and sleeping with a different person every night makes you happy, you have the right to pursue that lifestyle. But that’s not what I’m looking for in this life. Also, I should make clear that I am in no way perfect, and I'm not going to magically be able to live this commitment perfectly every day. There are times when I fail, falter, take that second look at the girl walking by... But I keep trying. One failure won't keep me from my ultimate goal.

Colossians 3

If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.

Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. On account of these the wrath of God is coming. In these you too once walked, when you were living in them. But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth. Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator. Here there is not Greek and Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave, free; but Christ is all, and in all.

Well, I'm no longer a boy...

I am a man.

I just realized this. I mean, my name even has the word 'Man' in it.

Not that I don't need improvement- There are things I like about myself, and there are things I don't.
I like...
That I'm a nerd.
My regularly tangental and hard to follow thought processes.
My fascination with worlds that don't exist.
That I have friends who can tell it to me straight.
That I have friends who will stick with me no matter what.
My calves. (I know that's kinda weird, but they're really awesome.)
That I'm weird. ^see above.
That if I can get over my self-consciousness, I can really enjoy myself. 

I don't like...
How self-conscious I am.
My complete inability to focus on any one thing for more than about 15 minutes at a time.
That I'm a pretty messy person. Very disorganized.
How I manage to offend people even when I'm specifically trying not to.
How I can't play any RPG as the 'bad' guy. I just can't do it.
That I don't already own a firearm.


On another note, I did the Army 10-Miler saturday(Friday night for all of you), and I did a pretty good job. It's a nice feather to have in my hat.

One thing that's driving me nuts right now(It kinda always has, but more specifically now) Is that I've still never been in a 'guy/girl' relationship. I mean, I figured I would have at least dated someone by now. I see a lot of other people, people I did most of my growing up with, pairing up and getting ready to tie the knot-or having done it already. (Yes Trev, you're pressuring me, whether you like it or not.) Brandon's engaged, he's just waiting on me to get home so I can be the best man. Chris even managed to find somebody. (Scary thought, I know.) Not that I don't have people I'm interested in, it's just that geographically, it would be irresponsible to pursue them right now. So I'm kinda going nuts. I probably didn't do a good job of explaining how I feel, but when do I ever?

Specialization is for insects...

A human being should be able to

change a diaper,
plan an invasion,
butcher a hog,
design a building,
write a sonnet,
set a bone,
comfort the dying,
take orders,
give orders,
solve equations,
pitch manure,
program a computer,
cook a tasty meal,
fight efficiently,
die gallantly.

Specialization is for insects.

-Robert Heinlein

And a tasty little tidbit specifically for Mr. Barcroft Neeley, who will immediately regret selling his copy of Halo: ODST. Love ya, buddy!      

http://forums.bungie.org/halo/archive31.pl?read=942160